“I think… I can’t keep going along with this anymore. I can’t help it for this audition, but anyway.”
As soon as those words left my mouth, Ahyeon’s lips twitched unnaturally.
I’ve known Ahyeon long enough to recognize that face. It’s the one she makes when she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to act.
When she’s acting and a line calls for a clear emotion, she handles it fine. But when she has to figure out the character on her own, without direction… she makes that face a lot.
Even someone like me, who doesn’t know much about acting, could tell that much.
“Oh… yeah…?”
“Yeah. I’m a high schooler now, so I should focus on my own stuff too.”
“I see….”
Ahyeon still looked uncomfortable.
She swept her long hair back with one hand and glanced at me sideways, almost like she was checking my reaction.
Or maybe she had something she wanted to say but couldn’t bring herself to bring it up.
“And I can’t just stay like this forever anyway. If things go well for you this time, you might end up being the one who’s too busy.”
I said that as I started getting ready to head back.
I got up from the chair and naturally moved toward the kitchen.
Sure enough, there was a pile of dirty dishes.
And if there were dishes, that meant she’d eaten the food I brought.
“Is there… still some food left?”
“Yeah, a little. But I’m almost out.”
Ahyeon followed behind me as she answered.
When I changed the subject like it was nothing, she seemed to get swept along and follow my lead.
“Okay, I’ll bring more next time.”
I didn’t bother shifting my gaze to her and just stared at the sink as I spoke.
Because I couldn’t stand to look at her.
Normally… I would’ve just cleaned those dishes without a word before leaving.
I’m not the kind of person who could see that and pretend I didn’t.
“Yeah. When?”
“I don’t know. I’ll bring it as soon as I can. Anyway, you worked hard. I’m heading out now.”
I pulled my eyes away from the sink and walked to the front door.
Yeah, me standing there doing her dishes would’ve been a joke.
One by one, I had to erase all the things I used to do without thinking.
From the far edges, slowly moving toward the center.
That was how I untangled my long relationships.
And because they were long, it looked like they’d take a long time to untangle.
There’s just that much to sort through.
And maybe… it’s a one-sided cleanup on my part.
I don’t know what Choi Ahyeon is thinking, but I’ve already decided to let this relationship go.
Getting angry, figuring out who’s right or wrong, apologizing, making up—those are all things you do when you want to keep the relationship going.
They only mean something when there’s a will to make things better.
But I didn’t have that will.
Because I’d already been hurt too badly for that. Hurt beyond repair.
So I wasn’t going to blame anyone. I was just going to walk away.
If I got angry, it would only drain my own emotions. I’d be the only one hurting.
Besides, I didn’t want to be healed by the person who hurt me, and I didn’t want that wound to close, either.
Yeah, I closed the door to my heart.
I finished all my mental sorting during this time, and when the audition ends, I’ll disappear from Ahyeon’s life.
***
The next morning, 6:15 AM.
I deleted the alarm that used to go off at exactly 6:00.
That alarm was set earlier only for Choi Ahyeon’s sake.
I had to wake up first so I could call and wake her up, then we’d run smoothly.
But… now there’s no need for that.
And I also stopped picking up my phone and fiddling with Choi Ahyeon’s contact info, agonizing over whether to text her.
[I’m up!]
A text from Choi Ahyeon arriving first.
She woke up fine on her own without me.
So she’s also breaking out of her habits, just like me.
I thought that was a relief.
[Let’s meet at the halfway point by 30]
[Okay]
We exchanged those brief messages, and I headed out on time, not a minute late.
.
.
.
“Hey…!”
“Hey. You actually got up fine today.”
“Yeah. But it wasn’t easy. I’m so tired.”
We met at the halfway point and were walking toward the course.
“How much more weight are you trying to lose?”
“Hmm… 43?”
43, huh.
Isn’t that too thin?
From what I know, she’s 5’5″.
She doesn’t look even slightly overweight right now.
And… even when she went through her “dieting” phases before, she never set 43 as a goal.
It was usually 45.
“Alright, you can do it. Let’s go.”
I kept those thoughts in my head and didn’t voice them.
I just let it slide.
“Is 43 too much to lose?”
But she’s the one who brought it up, and now she’s doubting it herself.
Just like I thought—she knows it’s too much.
“Well… aiming high is a good thing.”
“Yeah….”
Ahyeon gave another lukewarm answer to that.
We kept walking side by side, then stopped for a moment in front of the convenience store.
“If you didn’t bring water, let’s grab some now.”
I stepped into the convenience store first and said that to Ahyeon.
I needed water too, and from the look of it, she hadn’t prepared any either.
So we each picked out something to drink inside the store.
After we came out, right before starting the run in earnest.
“Here….”
Ahyeon habitually handed me the drink she was holding.
Yeah, that was probably an unconscious move on her part.
A genuine, thoughtless action.
She would know what it’s like to carry this while running.
“Thanks.”
I just took the drink.
I wasn’t about to be petty over little things like that.
“Alright, you’re warmed up?”
“Yeah. I’m ready to run!”
And so, we started running just like before.
Once I started running, I felt my mind ease.
That kind of comfort where nothing feels like thinking.
Like my brain had been switched off for a bit.
And I guess my pace was a little faster than usual.
“Hah… hah… Jino… keep up… you’re too fast.”
I could hear Ahyeon calling out behind me, out of breath.
The fact that her voice reached me so faintly told me how far apart we were.
“Ah, sorry.”
I stopped and stood still for a moment, waiting for Ahyeon.
“Ugh. I’m so beat… I wanna stop here today.”
Looks like trying to keep up with my pace instead of her usual one took a lot out of her.
Done at the 2.5km mark.
She ran half of what she usually does. That feels like too little.
At least for the cardio to be effective…
“Slowly…”
That was about to come out of my mouth, but I stopped myself.
Yeah, I was about to tell her to take it slow and keep going a bit more.
But there’s no reason for me to do that anymore.
“Huh…? Hah, whew.”
“Never mind. Let’s head back for today. Drink some water first. Here.”
And I handed her the drink I’d been carrying while running.
“Hah… But I’m still losing weight, right?”
“Yeah, seems like it.”
“Good. That’s a relief.”
***
“Alright, we’re going to do a performance evaluation soon. Practical Music Department students… hmm… how about forming groups of three?”
From the very first period, I had to hear something like a bolt from the blue.
My reputation at school is already in the gutter.
And now group work on top of that. Especially for a performance evaluation.
“The criteria for this evaluation aren’t just singing ability or instrumental skill, but how well you communicate with others, exchange musically, and harmonize as a group. So I hope you don’t stress too much about skill.”
That’s honestly the hardest part for me right now.
I’d rather do it alone.
If not that, then my only escape is… being with Junyong.
“I’ll draw numbers at random.”
But even that doesn’t seem like it’ll work out easily.
If it’s random… I can’t exactly bank on those odds.
.
.
.
In the end….
I got grouped with two girls I don’t know.
“Hey, hey, Yena.”
In the moment we were given to check our group members, one of the girls in my group looked at me and urgently called out to the other girl, Yena…
She seemed to whisper something, then pulled out her phone and started tapping away at the screen.
Just as expected, Yena also picked up her phone and stared at the screen for a moment.
I had to pretend I didn’t see any of it.
Because that was probably better for my mental health.
“Oh…”
A sound came out of Yena’s mouth.
A tone that said she just realized something.
I could roughly guess what was coming next, but I still felt a little tense.
Just because I’d been hurt badly once doesn’t mean the feeling goes numb.
No matter how many times you’re stabbed, you still bleed every time.
“So he’s the one?”
Yena said, staring at me.
I shrank a little under that gaze.
“Yeah…!”
“But why do you care?”
“Huh? No, I was just saying…”
Huh.
What is she talking about….
“It’s not like he did anything to me, so I don’t care. But… honestly, you guys seem like the awful ones. Wasn’t he the one who got humiliated by some game or whatever? Is the world secretly filming me?”