The next day, on the way home from school.
Today, for the first time in a while, I’m heading back home with Choi Ahyeon.
That said, we didn’t walk together from school itself. As always, we passed the school gate and met up at a quiet side street.
I didn’t really have much of an opinion about that arrangement. It’s just how things had always been, so.
And unlike usual, the reason I’m walking home with Choi Ahyeon today is.
It was to prepare for the audition that was now truly just around the corner.
Yeah, to cap it all off successfully.
We had run together all this time, and now this was the final stretch we’d be running together.
And as that moment approached, I thought that for now, I should set everything else down and just focus on helping her with the audition ahead.
So one thing’s for sure—in a way, I’m genuinely rooting for this audition.
I can honestly say that, whatever else, I hope things work out well for Choi Ahyeon’s future.
Even though she’s the one who left me with such a deep wound, the worst person in my story, and now we’ll become strangers.
Still, I don’t want her to become someone people dislike either.
Maybe that’s because of that bittersweet feeling—first love, unrequited love—which, even when I say I’ve fully moved on, never quite gets erased and stays behind like a scar.
In the end, what I’m saying is that even if my heart is this twisted right now, I never wanted to curse Choi Ahyeon in that way.
I really am… with the audition getting closer, with our farewell truly drawing near.
I got a little lost in sentimentality, and this rambling has gone on a bit long.
To cut to the chase…
Yeah, I’d say the essence of it is that I hope she does well even without me.
Even though I’ll call it a selfish farewell and sever our ties that way.
That was never me wishing for your misfortune.
Rather, it was a method I chose out of fear—fear that my ugly anger might spill out toward cursing you, truly hating you terribly, the way I mentioned before.
I don’t know if this selfish farewell will come across as cruel to you.
That selfish farewell—holding it all in, letting it fester inside, slowly drifting apart, and sorting out the relationship on my own—was a choice made because I didn’t want to blame you.
I secretly liked you so much that, even after you became such a bad person to me, I didn’t want to fault you or hate you like that.
.
.
.
“What all do we need to buy?”
Ahyeon looked up at me and asked.
And I glanced at her, then looked at my phone.
I was checking the checklist I’d made in the past.
When the audition gets really close… there were extra things to prepare.
“Hmm… Well, we should start taking care of your skin now. Face mask first.”
“Okay.”
With that, I walk side by side with Choi Ahyeon.
We walked without hesitation.
Since we’d already prepared like this once before, we knew where everything we needed was located.
“Did we use this one before?”
“Yeah, I think you said this one worked pretty well.”
“Oh…! Right. Okay. Then, this one.”
Yeah, that scene was still in my memory.
She tried it once and went crazy saying it was so good… and shoved it at me, telling me to try it too.
“Next!”
“Next is… Boogi Tea.”
“Oh, didn’t we have some left at home?!”
“From what I saw, no.”
“Really? Then… okay.”
And just like that, it goes into the basket one by one.
By the way, Boogi Tea… you used to just pour it into water and drink it all the time because it tasted good.
So of course there wouldn’t be any left.
“Next!”
“Next is… oh, right. You said your power bank broke last time, didn’t you? Get one while we’re here.”
“Oh, really?! Okay, okay.”
She’ll be spending a long time at the audition venue, after all.
Commuting there and back takes a while too.
Yeah, she’s definitely going to need it.
“Next!”
“Hmm… Artificial Tears. But I think you still have a few of those left.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but let’s buy one anyway. You can save it for later.”
Artificial tears were, honestly… practically part of her routine.
It wasn’t that her eyes were super dry and scratchy, more that she wanted that cool feeling to soothe her anxious mind a little.
“So, we’re basically done now, right?”
“Hmm… Pretty much. But one last thing—chocolate.”
“Oh! Almost forgot the most important one, didn’t I?”
Chocolate, in case her blood sugar dropped while waiting.
Anyway, after that… it seemed like we were done with everything we needed to buy here.
The only thing left was the Calming Heart Pill, but that we’d get at the pharmacy.
“I’ll buy the Calming Heart Pill separately later.”
“Mm. Okay.”
At the checkout counter, I said that and pulled out my card.
Honestly, it wasn’t that much money anyway.
And if we’re splitting hairs, you’d wonder why I’m paying instead of Choi Ahyeon.
In the past, I just wanted to do it for her.
And now, well, it’s the last time.
“I’ll definitely succeed and pay you back double. Got it?”
“Whatever… yeah. But if you succeed, that’s already enough for me.”
“Really? Then I won’t pay you back—!”
Ahyeon said that in a playful tone.
I just smiled in place of a reply.
***
Back at home together, while organizing the things we’d bought.
“Is your body feeling okay?”
“Mm, it still feels a little heavy, but it doesn’t hurt or anything.”
“Good to hear.”
Yeah, her voice actually did seem back to normal now.
That’s a relief.
At this rate, there probably won’t be any issues on the day of the audition.
“What do you want to eat the day before the audition?”
And then, while tidying up the fridge on my own, I asked Ahyeon.
Because I remembered we definitely had that conversation back then.
Of course, in the meantime, I did make her porridge… so technically, I already cooked for her once.
“Hmm…“
Ahyeon seemed to be thinking it over carefully.
But there’s not much to think that carefully about.
It’s not like I can make all that much.
At most, it’s kimchi stew, doenjang stew, soft tofu stew… those kinds of stews or jjigae.
Or pasta, omurice, fried rice—things like that.
And since it’s the day before the audition… it’s probably best to avoid stews.
“Then I want a super, duper spicy and rich soft tofu stew!!”
Hold on, hold on.
The person who’s auditioning the very next day wants to eat that?
“That’s… after you get back…”
I almost blurted out that I’d make it for her after the audition.
That startled me too, and I quickly swallowed my words.
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Anyway… your audition is literally the next day, and you want to eat that?”
“Why…?!”
“If you eat that and your face puffs up tomorrow, whose fault is that?”
“Aah-! I don’t care, just make it for me! I want to eat it!”
Ahyeon said it almost like she was pouting.
No, not almost—she was outright throwing a tantrum.
But even so… I couldn’t give in on that one.
“Something else. I’d recommend pasta, something light.”
“Oh, pasta sounds good!”
Fortunately, I managed to change her mind with the alternative menu.
After that, I finished organizing the stuff from earlier.
“You’re not doing acting practice today?”
“Mm, I want to, but… I think I should take it easy.”
“Good call. Let’s stop the running too. No point running again and getting a cold or something.”
“Okay, that makes sense. But what if I gain weight in the meantime…?”
Even while saying that, Choi Ahyeon was tearing open the wrapper of the chocolate we’d just bought.
I swear…
“Put that down first and then talk, maybe?”
“Just one… I have to try one in advance, just in case.”
“…Fine, do whatever you want.”
What a convenient excuse.
With that, Choi Ahyeon popped a piece of chocolate into her mouth and chewed.
Then, a moment later, she glanced at me.
“Do I look pretty right now? How is it?”
Out of nowhere, she asked as if she needed a quick appearance check.
I quietly took in Choi Ahyeon’s face.
Slowly, from her forehead to the tip of her chin.
I looked at her carefully, in detail.
How am I looking at Choi Ahyeon right now?
And how is Choi Ahyeon coming through in my eyes at this moment?
Yeah, visually, it was definitely a pretty face, just like always.
No matter what anyone says, it’s a face that can’t be put down.
Even if she became a bad person to me, it’s a face with no flaw to pick at, at least when it comes to looks.
“Yeah, you’re pretty. And what do you even have to worry about your looks for?”
Because of that, I said it transparently.
Yeah, it was a truly transparent statement from me.
It was the same answer I always gave whenever Choi Ahyeon asked this kind of question.
But this time, it was genuinely a transparent answer.
Because in the past, I’d always said she was pretty with my own selfish feelings mixed in.
“Oh? What’s the occasion?”
Ahyeon said, sounding a little curious about me.
The answer was exactly the same as always, though.
“I said that every time you asked. But you always guilt-tripped me, telling me to put more soul into it.”
“Huh?! Me?! But… I do feel like you had a bit more soul in it today.”
Coincidentally, now that my selfish feelings had drained out, I got to hear that from her.
Maybe it was because I’d been so intently taking in her face today that Ahyeon felt that way.
.
.
.